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11:15pm | 10th April 2014

Today was an exhausting day but I had fun. The best thing about today is the fact that it’s his birthday today. No, I am not talking about the guy friend I’ve liked since high school but, the guy friend that I like now, in college. He thought me that I can be sweet to people and not make a bad impression out of it. I was always scared of showing people that I cared and loved them but, he changed that. He took away my fears of showing people love and affection by showing me love and affection. To be honest, I thought that guys like him only existed in fictional books.

I never thought that I could directly tell a guy that I missed him, and I never thought that a guy can directly tell me that he missed me. I’ve never really had a guy friend before who does that, except him. He’s so sweet. He calls me nicknames and such and whenever we walk together and I suddenly decide to separate from him, he would call me in a melodious way, like he really wants me to walk with him. I love the fact that he seems to notice a lot of stuff, okay stupid and ridiculous stuff when we’re together.

Why are they stupid and ridiculous? Well, I’ll give you an example. Just like this morning when we were climbing up the stairs and when we reached the lockers, he went up to me and asked, “Why did you suddenly smile?” and I was just like, “What?! Did I?”. And he just nodded. I didn’t even answer his question. He notices things like that. Simple things but then, they become meaningful things. 

There was even that time, Valentines’ Day and I gave him a small bear as a token of our friendship. And within that bear is a letter I wrote for him. He never let go of the bear.He didn’t even put it in his bag, he just held it or rather, just put it on his table while we were writing our lectures and such and he kept on reading the letter. He even put it in his ID. That’s how sweet he is.

Maybe I’m falling for him or maybe I’m not but I’m sure that I’m just happy when I’m with him. Sure he may be a little judgmental about other people but, hey, we all have our negative points. To my sweetest and dearest friend, Happy Birthday! I’m sorry if I’ve neglected you in the past. Like when you waited for me because we were supposed to go home together and I just ignored you because I was having personal problems. I’m sorry. But anyway, thank you. Thank you for always being there when I need you.


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so I was talking to my guy friend on the phone and he's just so cute when he does this...

  • Me: Where are you? I'm already here.
  • Him: Just a few blocks away.
  • Me: Oh ok then. Bye. see you.
  • Him: Don't.
  • Me: what?
  • Him: Don't.
  • Me: why?
  • Him: just wait for me there.
  • Me: Oh okay.
  • (I can hear him walking)
  • Him: oh okay. I see you. You can put down the phone now.
  • Me: okay.
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12:36am | 10th April 2014

Tomorrow’s the start of summer class and I don’t know why but sleep is uncertain. There’s something in my mind that’s been bugging me. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m anxious for school later, or maybe it’s because I just can’t fall asleep or is it because I’m still thinking if I really do have feelings for you. I’m so confused. I don’t know if I should keep texting you or should I just stop. I want to stop texting you because I feel like I’m just pushing myself for someone who doesn’t even feel the same way about me but then again, I don’t want to stop because I don’t want to be just another “has-been” in your life.

We’d been friends for a long time and falling for a guy like you is inevitable. Sure, you’re not handsome or hot like those guys you see on TV (or compare yourself with) but you’re nice, sweet, caring and funny. You always find a way to make me laugh just when I feel like no one cares. I remembered when I needed a place to crash because my dormmate and I had issues. Every one of my friends were out drinking and I was just there at a Mcdonald’s nearby, studying and hesitating if I should ask you if I could crash by at your dorm. Because, I really needed to study for a quiz and studying at Mcdonald’s with a lot of loud teenagers wasn’t going to do. So, I breathed in some air and then texted you.

You’re so nice that you let me stay for awhile and when I was about to go home, you even walked me all the way to my dorm. I hate remembering this but it’s one memory that I will cherish forever. You have a lot of positive stuff in you but you also have negative ones.

I cannot blame you. I hate myself for being so clingy when it comes to you. Like when I always ask you if I can go to church with you during Sundays, until one day… I stopped asking because you stopped answering my questions. Sure, we still act as friends every now and then when we see each other but there’s a gap.

And ever since I’ve noticed that gap, I’ve decided that I’ll try my best to move on and stop everything that I’m feeling right now. I’ll express my feelings here for you every now and then but I’m sure that one day, these feelings for you will be long gone and be replaced by feelings for someone who’ll cherish me the way that I cherished you.


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My name is Holly.
17 years of age. This is just an online journal I created. Feel free to follow me, i follow back :)



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